The Distance Between Us Read online

  ‘That’s not a bad idea,’ Charlie said. ‘Are you going to?’

  ‘I think so. There’s no harm in seeing what they might come up with for me,’ she said. ‘Who knows what the future holds?’

  That night as they lay in bed, Charlie took her in his arms and made love to her. She tried to put all thoughts of Javier out of her mind, tried not to compare them. Afterwards she told him she loved him as he held her close. Her head was spinning as she tried to fall asleep. She wondered if there would ever be a day when she didn’t have to live with the regret that was currently consuming her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The following day was the last day of the summer term for Flora, Bella and Max. They woke up in the best of moods, overexcited and champing at the bit for their holiday to begin.

  ‘I’m so happy!’ Max sang as he bounced on his bed.

  ‘Come on, you need to get dressed. It’s still a school day today,’ Tasha pleaded, trying to ignore her hangover.

  ‘I’m too happy to go to school. I want the holidays to start now!’

  Tasha couldn’t help but laugh. He looked positively angelic in his dinosaur-print pyjamas. ‘Today will be over before you know it. And you need to say goodbye to all your friends, say thank you to your teachers…’

  ‘I can’t wait to give Miss Newman my card! I hope she likes it.’ Max jumped off the bed and over to his desk, where he picked up a heartfelt home-made thank you card.

  ‘How sweet!’ Tasha hadn’t seen him make it and her heart melted at the sight of the wobbly felt-tip hearts covering the folded piece of paper. ‘I’m sure she will love it, and we’ve got her a present too that you can give her.’

  Tasha had organised presents for all the children’s teachers, as she did at the end of each school year. They traipsed down the road laden with an assortment of bags, each labelled with the appropriate teacher’s name and ready for distribution.

  ‘I wonder who is going to look after Gomez over the holidays,’ Bella said. Gomez was the class hamster.

  ‘I’m sure Mrs Pumphrey will.’

  ‘I’m going to miss him so much!’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m going to be in Year Six in September,’ Flora said. ‘It’s so scary!’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m going to be in Year Two!’ said Max. They chattered animatedly all the way into the school building, where Tasha helped them deposit their gift bags around the various classrooms before making a quick escape as the school bell rang. As she walked home she distracted herself by planning activities to keep the children amused over the next five and a half weeks. She knew come two o’clock that afternoon she was on her own in terms of childcare. How the teachers coped with thirty-plus children at a time she would never know. To her, three seemed taxing enough.

  That evening Charlie came home in time for the children’s dinner, a tradition that they kept each year to kick off the summer holidays with a bang. They always went to their local Italian, a child-friendly pizzeria up the road where the children gorged themselves on margherita pizzas and ice cream sundaes piled high with marshmallows and fudge sauce. They had a whole weekend of family fun planned out ahead of them.

  On Saturday Charlie drove them all to Chessington World of Adventures. They went on a river ride, visited a haunted house, ate lunch at a burger shack, sailed through the air on a Ferris wheel, clambered through the monkey park and soared through the skies on various roller coasters. Tasha’s guilt was amplified: she couldn’t remember the last time she had seen the whole family look so happy, the sound of the children laughing and squealing was music to her ears, but all she could focus on were the ringing accusations from her conscience.

  On Sunday they spent the afternoon at Water World, a giant swimming pool full of water slides, wave machines and rapids to float around on in rubber rings. They accompanied the children on an endless round of trips down the fastest slide possible: a plastic tube that twisted and turned like the roller coaster they had been on the day before. Both places were so hectic and all-consuming Tasha had little time to retreat into her thoughts, a welcome relief after the previous week. But each time she stopped, even for a moment, Tasha felt the now familiar rush of panic course through her at the thought that at any moment she could be found out. If Charlie discovered what she had done that could be it for their happy family. One word from Javier and the precious balance of trust that was the lynchpin of their happiness could be irreversibly damaged, never to be the same again. She tried to stop herself from imagining what life would be like should the unthinkable happen, but her mind kept escaping into a future that might never exist. By the end of the weekend she had made a decision. It was clear what she needed to do. She had to do everything in her power to keep her secret hidden, and that meant ensuring that Javier was not going to break his word.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The following morning Tasha answered the door to reveal Chloe, her younger sister, on the doorstep, dressed head to toe in her usual mishmash of patterned, bohemian clothing. Tasha was nervous that her sister might see right through her false cheerfulness, but at the same time she was desperate to see a friendly face.

  ‘Yay!’ Tasha squealed, hugging her tightly. ‘How lovely to see you!’

  ‘Hey, sis!’ Chloe said, following Tasha into the house. ‘Where are the little ratbags?’

  ‘In the garden. They’re so excited to see you.’

  ‘Well, it’s not every day I get to come up to the Big Smoke and hang out with my favourite mini relatives.’

  ‘We are honoured that you’re spending one of your precious holiday days with us. How was the end of term?’ Chloe was a secondary school Geography teacher and she, like the children, had just broken up.

  ‘Fine, thanks. As soon as I finished my reports I started winding down. I am bloody glad the holidays have arrived though, that much is for sure. I’m exhausted!’ She slung her bag down and came through into the kitchen.

  ‘The opposite of my sentiments! Apart from the exhaustion.’ Tasha laughed. ‘You’ll stay for lunch, won’t you?’

  ‘Yes please, I’ll head back this afternoon. I’m leaving tomorrow for Bali!’

  ‘Oh, how amazing! How long are you off for again?’

  ‘Five whole blissful weeks. And I cannot wait!’

  ‘Is it going to be hot?’

  ‘Hopefully. I keep checking the forecast and it’s looking pretty good so far.’

  ‘God, I’m so jealous.’ Tasha sighed. If only she could run away from her problems and lie on a sun-drenched beach in the middle of nowhere. ‘Have you had your vaccinations? You don’t need malaria pills, do you?’

  ‘No, I don’t, thank goodness. And yes, I’m fully immunised, don’t worry. Mum’s been on at me ever since she found out about Ella.’

  ‘It’s great news, isn’t it?’ They had heard from her that morning; she had finally been discharged from hospital and was feeling a lot better.

  ‘Such a relief. She certainly won’t be making that mistake again!’

  At that moment three little voices squealed as they charged into the kitchen. ‘Auntie Chloe!’ The children were already covered in dirt, their T-shirts and shorts wet from squirting each other with water pistols.

  ‘Hello favourite nieces, hello favourite nephew!’ Chloe replied as she hugged them all tightly.

  ‘Do you want a coffee?’ Tasha asked.

  ‘I’d love one, thanks,’ Chloe replied as the children pulled her outside into the garden, chattering furiously as they told her all about their weekend activities at Chessington and Water World.

  Tasha slotted a capsule into the coffee machine and pressed the button. It churned loudly as it clunked into action. At that moment Tasha’s phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans. Her heart leapt into her mouth as she pulled it out. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was only Rosie, confirming their plans to meet later. Charlie had a quiet few weeks at work ahead and Tasha was planning to make the most of going out without having to pa
y for childcare, he had promised he’d be home in good time. Her heartbeat returned to normal as she replied confirming their dinner plans. Having pressed send, Tasha scrolled down her messages to make sure she really had deleted her text to Javier.

  After much deliberation, lying awake all night deciding what to write, she had finally taken his number from the Post-it on the fridge and sent him a message that morning. It had said:

  Hi Javier, I have been panicking all week and just want to make sure that you meant what you said about not telling Charlie. It would be the end of our marriage if he found out. Please keep your word and never say anything to anyone about what happened on Monday. Thanks, Tx

  Her nerves were a-jitter as she thought about him receiving her text. Maybe he was at work and his phone was in his locker? Maybe he hadn’t even read it yet? She wondered whether he would reply.

  Pushing thoughts of Javier to one side, she took the coffees into the garden and sat down. The children had started a competitive game of garden Jenga. They were soon engrossed in the removal of carefully balanced bricks, allowing Tasha and Chloe to have a long overdue catch-up.

  ‘Right, what do you fancy for lunch?’ Tasha asked a short while later as the tower collapsed for the third time, sensing it might be time for a change in activity before an argument broke out.

  ‘Can we have bangers and mash?’ pleaded Max.

  ‘Bangers and mash it is, then,’ Tasha said. She went into the kitchen and raided the fridge, sure she had some sausages somewhere. Having checked the freezer, she realised she was out of stock.

  ‘Chlo, are you happy to stay with the kids while I nip out to the shops?’ Tasha asked.

  ‘No probs,’ Chloe replied as she chased Max around the flower bed. To the children’s intense delight, she had picked up one of the abandoned water pistols and was attempting to squirt them.

  Tasha laughed at the sight. It was lovely to have someone else to entertain the children. ‘I’ll be back in five,’ she called, grabbing her bag and heading out of the house.

  She heard someone calling her name as she shut the front door. She recognised the voice instantly.

  ‘Javier,’ she said, blushing furiously as she looked up to see him standing by his motorbike in front of her.

  ‘Hi.’ He looked even more handsome than usual in his black leathers.

  ‘Hi,’ she replied. Memories of him kissing her flooded her mind as she stood, awkward and speechless, in front of him. She turned her head to glance back at the house, checking the windows. Chloe and the children were nowhere to be seen. She knew they would still be in the garden playing.

  ‘I just got your message,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry. I promise you have nothing to panic about.’

  Tasha breathed a sigh of relief. She spoke quietly, just in case anyone she knew was somehow within earshot. ‘Thank you so much. I know it’s silly, you already told me. I just worked myself into an absolute state…’

  ‘Relax!’ Javier smiled his most charming smile as he got onto his bike. His eyes were slightly shadowed, his stubble longer than usual. ‘I’m off to the hospital. They’ve called me in early; one of the registrars has gone home sick. I desperately need a coffee – one thing I can’t be is tired in my line of work as you know.’

  ‘Of course!’ Tasha said. ‘Well, I won’t keep you.’

  ‘Have a lovely day!’ he called, revving the engine and turning his bike around before driving off down the street.

  Tasha stood glued to the spot; she felt relieved but also unnerved. It was the first time she had seen him since she had slept with him. It hadn’t been as awful as she had thought it would be. He was so completely unfazed by the whole situation that it made it less awkward than she had anticipated. But she still couldn’t believe she had actually done what she had done with him. She tried to stop the flashbacks from popping into her mind but it was impossible to wipe them out completely. Shaking herself, she carried on down the road, her mind whirling as she walked, on autopilot, to her local shop, choosing a couple of packets of sausages and some extra milk.

  She told herself that she needed to trust him. She had no reason not to. After all, it was hardly in his interest to tell Charlie. That would make life more difficult for him and, if anything, she was convinced Javier was the kind of guy who wanted an easy life, without complication. That was presumably exactly why he was single. Tasha decided she had no choice but to accept his word and try her best to move on.

  She had a lovely lunch with Chloe and the children before taking the kids to the park and then rustling up chicken goujons, chips and peas for dinner. Charlie took over at bath time, having arrived back early as promised.

  ‘Thanks so much for getting home,’ she said, coming into the bathroom to kiss him goodbye.

  ‘No problem.’ Charlie smiled as he checked the temperature of the water. ‘Have fun with Rosie. Send her my love.’

  ‘I will.’

  Tasha kissed the children goodnight, grabbed her handbag and went out. They were meeting near Tottenham Court Road so she headed straight for the Tube. She glanced up at Javier’s house. There were no lights on, unsurprisingly – he would still be at work.

  ‘I ordered a bottle of rosé.’ Rosie got up from the table to hug Tasha. They were at a small new restaurant on Greek Street opposite the Prince Edward Theatre.

  ‘Good idea!’ Tasha said, trying to act as normal as possible. She knew Rosie, just like Chloe, would be on to her in a flash if she let her guard down even for a second. ‘I could do with a few drinks. We had a rather hectic weekend to celebrate the start of the summer holidays.’

  ‘Oh, yes? What did you get up to?’

  ‘Chessington World of Adventures followed by Water World.’ Tasha laughed. ‘I know, I know – just up your street.’

  ‘Maybe one day!’ Rosie laughed. ‘I bet the kids loved it though.’

  ‘They did. And so did we. It’s so cute seeing them in seventh heaven like that.’

  ‘Gorgeous.’

  ‘So? What’s the latest with Josh?’ Tasha asked, determined to steer the conversation away from herself.

  ‘Well… it’s funny you should ask,’ Rosie said rather coyly.

  ‘What do you mean? Have you got news?’ Tasha was suddenly excited for her friend. Rosie beamed a huge smile and looked as if she were about to burst with happiness.

  ‘We’re officially a couple!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘No! You’re kidding? When did that happen? How?’

  ‘After our last phone call, I decided to write him a letter. I wanted to show him how serious I was.’

  ‘I love it! There’s nothing like an old-school love letter to show your intentions are genuine!’

  ‘Exactly! It was a bit cringe but I basically wrote him a note saying that I really liked him, that I would never write about him without his permission and that I wouldn’t date anyone else or write any dating blog posts for the foreseeable future if he would just give me a chance.’

  ‘Hang on… so you’re actually suspending the blog? Can you even do that?’

  ‘I can do what I like really. I’ve decided I am going to write a series of posts on dating-related topics like “Top tips for flirting”, “Top tips for online dating profiles” and stuff like that… I’ll make it up as I go along, I guess. I have no idea how long this will last…’

  ‘So, what happened? How did you give him the note?’

  ‘I just slipped it on his desk in a sealed envelope and waited to see what would happen.’

  ‘And what did he do?’

  ‘A few hours later he came sidling over to my desk, clutching the letter. I felt like a teenager, I was so nervous to see his reaction.’

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He thanked me and asked me what I was doing that evening. When I said I was free he told me he’d book somewhere. We went to a lovely French restaurant near work and have been seeing each other ever since!’

  ‘Oh, my God!’ squealed Tasha. ‘This is so exc
iting!’

  ‘I think I might actually have a boyfriend!’ Rosie laughed. ‘For the first time in God knows how long.’

  ‘Someone has finally persuaded you to give a relationship a go! This is huge! He must be incredible!’

  ‘I know! He is. I really like him. He’s smart, intelligent, funny… and what is more he seems like a thoroughly nice guy. A Charlie type. Not to mention the fact that he is also incredibly fit and amazing in bed too…’ Rosie raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I’m glad to hear it! Cheers to Josh!’ Tasha laughed, raising her glass and masking the internal angst that had erupted at the mention of what a nice guy Charlie was. As if she needed reminding… At the thought of Charlie, she stuck her hand in her bag to find her phone and see whether Javier had been in touch. She didn’t think he would reply to her text having seen her face to face earlier that day, but she wanted to check anyway just in case. She rummaged around trying to locate it whilst talking to Rosie about Josh, but it was nowhere to be found.

  ‘Sorry, I think I’ve lost my phone,’ Tasha said, explaining why she was rootling through the contents of her bag, tipping most of them out onto the table.

  ‘Is it there?’

  ‘No, it definitely isn’t…’ Tasha’s heart was starting to race slightly as she scanned her memory to recall where she was when she last had it.

  ‘Where did you last have it?’ Rosie echoed her thoughts.

  ‘I’m just trying to work that out. I don’t think I actually looked at it on the Tube…’

  ‘But surely you used Google Maps to find this place?’

  ‘No. I know how to get to the Prince Edward Theatre: we only came recently and it’s just opposite.’

  ‘Maybe you left it at home?’

  As soon as Tasha heard the words she realised that was exactly what she had done. She had left it on her bed. It had been in her hand when she had decided to change her flip-flops and put on some slightly smarter sandals. She must have left it lying there on the duvet. Suddenly her pulse raced as she realised that she had no control over Charlie seeing it. Her palms started to sweat. She felt herself flush with panic as adrenaline coursed through her veins. She had deleted that message, hadn’t she? She assured herself that she had – she remembered double-checking earlier that day. But what if Javier had texted her?